A Window to the Future

1992 & 1995 (12 & 15 years old)

"Your cousin Chema's getting married!"

Chibby's mum made the announcement one bright Saturday morning in 1992, as Zibby and his brother trudged downstairs for breakfast. They let out squeals of delight.

"Wow!" "Really?!" "When?" "Who?!" "How exciting!"

They liked weddings, you see, particularly weddings of close relatives. The party was always good, the food even better, and you got to see loads of people you hadn't seen in a while.

"Her fiancé’s a doctor in America" their mum said, "The wedding will take place there."

"Awwwww" they both moaned. Ah, well, there would be others.

It turned out that cousin Chema had met this dashing young doctor while on holiday in California a couple of years earlier and fallen madly in love. They had maintained their relationship through letters and phone calls, and now the decision had been taken for Chema to move out to America to be with him.

She was based in the east of Nigeria and in those days, the only place to make visa applications was in Lagos. Consequently, Chema came to stay with Zibby's family for about a month, while going through the necessary applications. Zibby was pretty fond of his cousin, so was pleased she was coming to stay. Despite the 10-year difference between them, she would chat frequently with him about mundane things that he was interested in, from Fraggle rock to world politics! On one particular afternoon, about one week before she was due to travel, he decided to discuss her future plans.

"Chema, are you excited about going to live in America?"
"I'm excited about going to be with Tunde" she grinned.
Zibby rolled his eyes and smiled. "Of course you are, but aren't you going to miss your family?"
"We can always visit," she said, "it's not as if I'm going away forever."
"But Chema," he said, "Do you worry that you might become a second-class citizen in another man's country?"
Chema attempted a light-hearted laughed. "I don't believe in all that" she said, not very convincingly. "You know what," she said, "ask me these questions again in a few years."
"Okay," said Zibby, and then went on to discuss his views on Saddam Hussein, Bill Clinton and the recent Gulf War.

Three years and two beautiful kids later, Chema came to Lagos to visit with her young family. They all had a good time discussing her adventures over the last three years and doting over the two young ones. After one hearty lunch, Zibby drew the short straw and was relegated to washing up in the kitchen. Chema came in to help him tidy up, and he grabbed his chance to ask his questions.

"So, has it been worth it?"
"What?" Chema looked at Zibby, a confused look on her face.
"How has it really been, living in America? Has it been worth it? Would you recommend it to others?"
"Ah," Chema smiled now, recalling their little conversation three years earlier. "it's been good."
Zibby raised an eyebrow. He would not be satisfied with a simple 'it's been good!'
"Chema!" he whined. His not-so-little face could still scrunch up into his trademark scowl.

Chema giggled and flicked his nose. "Okay, okay, so it's not the easiest life in the world" she laughed, "and yes, sometimes you do feel like you're a second class citizen in another man's country, but that's only sometimes."

"But would you recommend it?"
"Let's put it this way," said Chema, "if you have a good job in Nigeria and prospects, then stay. Though you can make a good life abroad and there are lots of fringe benefits, you'll work very hard to sustain them." She paused. "Very, very, hard. There's no place like home."

Zibby nodded. It wasn't the answer he'd been expecting, but it was clearly a thoughtful and honest one. They were both silent for a moment until Chema poke him and said, "Hey, I'd forgotten how slow you are at washing plates!" They both laughed and finished up quickly, returning to the happy banter in the living room.

Zibby did his best to keep in touch with his cousin. Observing her was like looking through a window into what his life could become. In a couple of years, however, she had gone so deep into her work and family that he was lucky to hear from her at least once a year.

It only took a few years for Zibby to be sure that he had no intention of following his cousin’s advice.